Out With The Old, In With The New
by NoWindForThisHole
Summary: Rose does it real good


The warp pad lit up, and Pearl fell about six feet onto the floor. "I fucking did it. I finally got the screwdriver for you, Rose," she gasped. "I had to sneak back into homeworld after repairing the warp pad which was almost impossible and I had to steal some limb enhancers to blend in but they noticed it was me immediately. I had to kill someone. I had to break into your house and I got attacked by guard dogs and then all the sirens went off because your house was blocked off by electric barbed wire and that's when the cops came. I forgot the combination to your house lock so I had to try every four-digit number I could think of while also fending off the police at the same time. Then I had to look for it in all of your many drawers while the police were raiding your house behind me. And then I thought I got it but it was a Phillips-head screwdriver and you said you needed a flat-head screwdriver so I had to go to the second floor and what do you know, the whole SWAT team was there. They nearly shattered my gem but luckily I was able to slip between their legs and grab the screwdriver out of the dildo cabinet and I jumped out the window, once again almost shattering my gem, and ran as fast I could as the military burned down your house and chased me. I had to hijack a bus to get back the warp pad, and I had to make sure I destroyed it as I was leaving but I'm not sure if I did it correctly and when I got back I couldn't remember which one I came out of so I had to break every pad in the warp hub and here's your screwdriver." She weakly tossed the instrument into the room, and her arm went with it just before she poofed back into her gem.

Rose opened the bathroom door. "What?"

Immediately upon hearing the voice of her pink love, Pearl reformed her body. Her hair was a single long strand as she didn't have enough time to fix that part up. "Rose!" she said, grasping both boobs. "I finally got the flat-head screwdriver for you, Rose."

Rose smiled and rubbed her hand on Pearl's bald head. "Don't worry, Pearl-unit. Greg let me borrow his right after you left. Where have you been for the past three months?"

Pearl continued smiling blankly. "I got the screwdriver for you, Rose."

Rose giggled. "That's nice, Pearl. But I can't take you seriously with such an unprofessional haircut. I think you'd better get back in there are fix it up." She said this and punched Pearl in the face, pushing her nose in and her clitoris out. She poofed away for the second time.

Rose heard something approaching and sweeped Pearl under a table with her foot. She turned to face her foe and was faced with Greg's van backing into her at 70 miles an hour. Greg was screaming in confusion and holding down the horn while the radio was blasting Johnny B. Goode. Rose summoned her shield, which stopped the van dead in its tracks and sent Greg hurtling through the rear window. He smacked against the temple door and fell to the temple floor.

Rose chuckled heartily at her injured boyfriend. "Now that's what I call driving a van into my heart." Greg didn't laugh.

The temple door opened, revealing Garnet and Amethyst with weapons at the ready. "Fuck shit balls," Amethyst threatened. She didn't know what those words meant, but they pissed off Pearl, so she figured they probably meant something cool.

Garnet looked down. "Oh, it's just Greg," she sighed, removing her gauntlets. Amethyst kicked him anyway.

Rose banged a spoon on a pan eleven times to get everyone's attention. "I bet you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today."

"Where's Pearl?" Amethyst wondered aloud.

Rose continued. "I have a special announcement. Check this shit out." She removed all of clothing - all of it - revealing her enlarged lower belly, among other things.

"That's new," Garnet remarked.

Amethyst laughed. "Oh, I get it! You're trying to look more like Greg."

"You COULD say that," said Rose ominously.

"I can do that too!" Amethyst then shapeshifted into a flaccid penis with "UNEMPLOYED" written on it. Greg gasped at the uncanny resemblance.

Rose flicked her hair for dramatic effect as she gave the news. "I am 8 months and 30 days pregnant."

Garnet took off her glasses and clapped. "Good job! That vaguely resembles a fusion."

Amethyst regained her normal form. "That's like me but you're the Kindergarten and Greg is the Injector."

Greg was so shocked that a clump of hair fell out from the top of his head, never to regrow. "Why didn't you tell me this eight months ago?" he cried out, grabbing at the hair that didn't fall out nervously.

"Surprise!" Rose said.

"You told me that I didn't NEED to use a condom because we're not the same species!" Greg shuddered.

Garnet's face went sour. "That's weird. You two are weird."

Rose put her hands to her hips. "Well, you told _me_ that your career was successful so now we _both_ lied to each other. Who's the asshole now, Greg?"

Greg was on his knees sobbing, a position he found himself in a lot lately. "I don't know anything about raising a kid! How are we going to support this child? I only have a three-figure yearly income and you don't even _have_ an income. Where are we going to get the money for this?"

Rose laughed at his ignorance. "Who said anything about 'we?'"

"What do you mean?" Greg asked.

Rose thrusted her pelvis forward and bellowed a 'ha-ho.' "Well, Greg, let me tell you this in rhyme." She began snapping rhythmically while Amethyst played the bongos in anticipation of the big reveal.

"Grab some whiskey and grab some beer

You're not gonna like what you're gonna hear

You'd better kiss this vag goodbye

Once this fucker's out, I'm gonna die."

Garnet flipped upside-down and unfused. Ruby started pounding the floor. "What do you mean you're gonna die, you crusty skank?" she yelled.

"Piss ass pube piss are you talking about?" Amethyst said, stomping in place with Ruby, creating a 4/4 time signature and a 4.4 earthquake.

Rose picked both of them up. "There can only be one Rose Quartz, and it won't be me. You can't have two gems of the same gem. Think about it. You'd be like 'Hey, Rose,' and two people would turn around. How fucked up would that be?"

Meanwhile, tears were falling from Greg's eyes faster than his debt was falling deeper into the red. "What am I going to do without you? You're the reason I stayed in Beach City, you're the reason I'm not living on the streets. Think about your family, think about your friends!"

Sapphire nodded. "I'm looking into the future and I see no possible outcomes where this is even remotely a good decision."

"I'm gonna do it," said Rose.

"NO," everyone shouted.

"I'M GONNA DO IT," said Rose.

Greg latched onto his love. "Please, Rose, I love you."

Rose shrugged. "You gotta do what you gotta do. Now get the fuck off me, this is gonna be nasty." She promptly fell lifelessly to the floor.

Before anyone could emotionally react, a loud gurgle filled the night air. Rose's legs began slowly curling back behind her head. Her hole stretched out like a rose in bloom, and all of her alien internal organs revealed themselves as they continued to move through the mass of flesh that the former Rose Quartz was becoming. The four onlookers all stared on in every negative emotion they could possibly feel.

Among the terrible squishing, another sound manifested itself as the gem underneath the table Amethyst was sitting on began to glow and rise. "Rose, I'm ba-" She paused as she witnessed the last of Rose's hair curls become engulfed by her own vagina.

Out from the massive genital, two small feet came kickin'. Pearl hurled. The feet became legs, the legs became legs and hips. The vagina was like a thin production line where Rose's corpse went in one end and her offspring came out the other. Just before the head came out, Rose Quartz's gem popped into place on the infant's navel like a tube of cheez whiz. The flesh of the vulva was sucked back into the child's head with a loud queef, and the hair zipped shut. There was a long, long silence, and the baby slowly opened its eyes.

"And Steven!" the boy smiled.

Ruby roared and punted the newborn into the ocean.


End file.
